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Project Influence

A 7-day Recovery Challenge for Anyone Who Loves

someone struggling with substance abuse.

Hey loved one of someone in active addiction, I see you.

You’re feeling overwhelmed, lost, hurt, betrayed by a loved one who’s struggling with addiction…

You’re feeling like nothing could possible get better, until they go to rehab…

And you're feeling totally STUCK when it comes to figuring out how to help them… If you even can.


If you love someone in addiction, you’ve probably heard someone say one of these things…

“They have to hit rock bottom”
“The only way to help them is tough love”
“Once an addict, always an addict”

You’ve probably tried a lot of things to convince your loved one to get help. I bet you’ve spent hours reading books, looking up rehab centers, scheming tactics with friends (until they didn’t want to talk to you anymore - oops), giving ultimtums or trying aggressive interventions, and through it all, you may have also found your way to a support group for partners and families.

I did ALL the same things, when I was drowning under the stress of a loved one’s addiction.

Needless to say, that stuff doesn't really work. If it did, you wouldn't be reading this page. You'd be off enjoying your serenity somewhere.

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Spoiler alert:

The reason those tactics don't really work is not because we don't care enough or we don't love them enough, and it's not because they're bad people.

If you’re like me, you’ve already learned a lot about addiction.

You have figured out some great solutions for them to get help, and it seems like it should be so easy for you to help them at this point.

But instead, it might be going more like this

  • Every time they’re under the influence, somehow a fight starts

  • You find yourself yelling at them WAY more than you want to

  • They’re disappearing or avoiding home - and avoiding the rehab conversation

  • Money is falling through your hands like sand as they keep spending on their addiction

  • Even when you wait for the perfect time to talk to them, something inevitably happens, they get defensive, or they say something upsetting that makes you lose your cool, sabotaging the whole conversation.


And even if they do try to get back on the wagon again…

  • You’re still reminded of all the let downs, and find yourself secretly waiting for the relapse shoe to drop

  • You get so suspicious that you end up still obsessing over every little thing they do or say, and even find yourself trying to catch them

  • You’re so resentful over all the hurtful things that happened when they were using, that you can’t actually be present or enjoy the good times.


You know you’re smart, you’ve figured so much out so far, and you’ve learned so much. So you know there must be some disconnect, some piece you’re missing from the equation that could help you get YOUR life back, and still allow you to help them if you want to.

You're right. There IS something missing. But let me promise you, it’s not just you that’s struggling with this. I've been there too.

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Hi, I'm Cory, and I love someone who struggles with addiction.

In fact, over the past 20 years, I’ve loved MANY people who have struggled with addiction or mental illness. I’ve also loved people who despite ALL odds, have found a successful recovery. And through this, I’ve learned a few things about what works, and what doesn’t, when it comes to recovery.

The best way for me to teach you, is to tell you my story.

7 Day Challenge
$7 Per Day ($49 total)

Like I said, I’ve loved many people who have struggled with addiction and mental illness.

For the sake of simplicity, I just want to share one story with you. The story that changed how I viewed support in recovery, forever.

Years ago I was living with a partner (one of the “it’s complicated” types), who I cared about deeply. This person struggled so hard with so much pain, and would self-medicate with alcohol. Like, a LOT of alcohol.

The problem started long before I came into their life. Friends, family, even exes all agreed that there was really nothing I could do to help. This person needed to help themselves.

But what can I say, I’m stubborn. Like, "four years of trying", stubborn.


After years of begging, pleading and threatening them to go to rehab, and seeing them go through dangerous withdrawals at home more times than I could count, things reached a breaking point. I had completely lost myself, and many friends had been recommending a certain support group for partners and families.

So I thought "what the hell, a support group can't possibly make me feel worse than I already do"

Being around people who had similar experiences was refreshing at first. I was able to talk about my problems with other people who got it.

We held hands. We said the serenity prayer. After my first meeting, they told me the suggested donation was $7. I gladly fished it out of my purse, despite my severe financial strain at the time.

And they told me “keep coming back, it works if you work it.”

So I did. I kept coming back. I bought books. I made friends. I dove in with both feet, for a few weeks.


But after a while, I realized, something about those meetings wasn’t sitting right with me.

I realized that as I kept coming back, so did everyone else… and the stories weren’t changing. They were just as bad. The people didn’t seem to have the serenity they talked about.

And when I asked about solutions, I was reminded that I was powerless.

When I pointed out things that had been helpful for me, I was told not to discuss other methods here.

And I was told “no advice”.

I couldn’t ask for it, and I couldn’t give it.


There was nothing any of us could do to help people struggling in addiction.

The only thing we could do for them was leave them alone.

It just didn’t make sense to me that a support group would leave me feeling worse, and more hopeless, than I did when I came in.

Luckily, I’m no stranger to addiction myself. I’m grateful that a year before these meetings, I had achieved my own recovery from a destructive drinking habit, and a 10 year nicotine addiction…

And one thing I knew, was that the support and accountability provided by my loved ones was CRUCIAL to my recovery.

I left after my 6th meeting feeling powerless, and with my wallet $50 lighter… but knowing there had to be something I was missing.

After all, the things they claimed to be true about addiction, were not true for me.

So I set my focus on uncovering the truth.

It didn't take much digging to realize how many falsehoods are spread by support groups, and within our society, about how to "help" someone who struggles with addiction.

When I realized how many "untruths" were being spread about addiction, and treated like common knowledge, I dedicated myself to separating the truth from the myths within the recovery industry.


Fast forward 5 months. I help my loved one get into rehab for the first time.

They were receiving treatment, therapy, group coaching, and necessary healthcare, for the first time EVER in their life.

Everyone in their life had begged, pleaded, threatened them to get help.

And it never worked.

So what does this have to do with me? Maybe it’s a total coincidence that they got help at that time.


Sure. It could be a coincidence.
But luckily, there’s science to back this up.

RECOVERY FACT:

Studies have shown that the influence of a compassionate, psycho-educated support system contributes to higher success rates in recovery.

Source: Mohd, H. (2008) Family Support as an Intervention Strategy in Drug Addiction Recovery

Couple Hugging

Here’s what I learned, and what I want to teach you.

We as loved ones and supporters in their lives, have a TON of power, when it comes to our influence and contribution to their lives.

The problem most of us run into is, we don’t have any idea how to harness that power.

We spend all our time trying to come up with tactics to convince them, or plots to trap them and force them into changing.

When all we really need to do is learn the skills of becoming a positive, powerful influencer. (No, not the instagram kind).

Human beings are social. We crave connection, approval, community, belonging

ESPECIALLY those who are struggling with addiction.

But unfortunately, due to the behaviors associated with addiction, instead of cultivating connection and belonging, they end up sowing seeds of chaos, confusion and resentment in their friends and family.

And that's the opposite of what any human being needs.

Addiction is truly a self-sabotaging cycle, and families struggling under the shadow of addiction end up co-creating the worst dynamics for recovery, even with the best intentions.

So how do we change it? How do we break this cycle?


Ever heard the saying, "When you know better, you do better?"

That's how we break the cycle. By learning new skills, new behavior strategies, and building stronger foundations to allow our relationships to thrive, and cultivate fertile soil for successful recovery to take root.

Human beings are natural learners. We learn by reading, watching, listening, and doing, but not all learning is done in a classroom, or from a professional. 


We also learn socially. We learn by watching others, having conversations, and making those close relatable connections with the people that matter most to us.

Because of this, the people who matter most to someone are in a unique position to influence and teach them through example.


If you’re on this page, you probably matter a LOT to someone who struggles with addiction (yes, even if they say you don’t).

That means you DO have the power to influence them.

Just like how their addiction and their behavior has been able to influence you.


We just have to harness that power for good, instead of chaos.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

- Rumi

I bet by now you’re saying,

“I can't influence them, I’ve told them what they should do over and over and they never listen to me.”

That’s where most people get influence wrong. It’s not about directing, commanding, or manipulating.

Influence is about WHO you are, and how YOU behave, even when people aren’t looking.

It’s the result of you
leading by example.

And I bet there are ways you’ve been leading, that you don’t even realize.

But we’ll talk more about that later.

Why does influence matter?

Think about it for a second. When it comes to addiction, where else do we hear the word "influence"?

"Under the influence"

Our loved ones are already suffering under the influence of their addiction, so it's clear that external forces can and DO influence their experience.

Not only that, but it's very likely that they picked up their addiction due to the influence of someone else in their lives. Whether that be a friend, a coworker, a family member, or yes, maybe even a doctor.

The truth is, some human being other than themselves, played a part in the beginning of their addiction.


So why shouldn't a human being other than themselves play a part in their recovery
?

Unfortunately, we often hear exactly the opposite, when we look for advice and support.

If you love someone in addiction, you’ve probably heard someone say one of these things…

“They have to hit rock bottom”

“The only way to help them is tough love”

“Once an addict, always an addict”


Not only are these statements way too simple and generalized to be applied...

They’re the OPPOSITE of what research indicates is necessary to support a successful recovery.

And the thing about “we are powerless” in the face of their addiction?

Maybe that’s true for some people. But if that’s the case, we may as well stop going to the doctor, and stop asking advice, and stop giving each other hugs.

Because that stuff is all useless right? We are all powerless. Nothing we do has any affect on other people…

(obvious sarcasm)

Starting to hear how wrong some of this stuff sounds?

7 Day Challenge
$7 Per Day ($49 total)
Fists in Solidarity

You are NOT Powerless

Not only is it obviously not true when we look around and see how we are affected by others, but it’s even backed up by science!

Research shows us that many addiction cliches are stereotypes and generalizations, that don’t hold up in reality, and are proven false when studied.

And the “solutions” that are often considered to be our only option, don’t really solve anything either.

(I'm looking at you, support groups)

Those support groups I tried, they asked for $7 donation every time.

And they said “keep coming back”.

After a while, I decided to save my money, and put my energy toward finding solutions.


The things I had been told about "addicts" were just NOT true when it came to me and my experience with addiction, so I started researching what WAS true.
 

I decided to line myself and my behavior up with the findings from studies I was reading, and I applied the conclusions to my own life. When I realized where I had been going wrong, I started living differently.

 

It made a HUGE difference, in my life, and in others.

 

"But wait, I thought those people in the support groups told you you were powerless?"

 

Yeah, that's funny isn't it?

WHAT PEOPLE SAY

Couple Hugging

Project Influence gave me new perspective on my partner's addiction. I hadn't realized how much it had been affecting me, until I worked through the exercises inside Project Influence

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Cory gives perspective not everyone or all groups give as an option. Thank you Cory! Her approach is completely different to a lot of things I’ve been reading and listening to.

Date at a cafe

I had been looking for something that actually gave a solution for my problems, and understood things from my perspective. Project Influence was an answer to my prayers!

Who is Project Influence For?

I created Project Influence as a recovery challenge for partners and families of those in addiction.

This is NOT an addiction recovery program.


This is support for the supporters.

It seems everyone has an opinion of what that person in addiction should do for their own recovery. But very rarely is there advice or support for the partners and families, aside from "find a support group" or "leave them".

Neither of those feel like satisfying solutions. Especially if you're in a constant state of worry, frustration, or resentment, trying to help them solve the problem.

I know what it's like feeling like your only options are either useless, or WAY too risky.

I also know what it's like feeling financially strapped by the irresponsible decisions of a loved one who struggles with substance abuse.


That's why I wanted to make this a really easy decision for you to join this challenge.

For just $7 a day, the same as the donation recommendation at any support group, I want you to join me for 7 Days of Project Influence, as a challenge to the idea that we are powerless.

You DO have power to influence those around you, and make significant changes to your life.

And it does NOT have to take 900 support group meetings to do it.

Because you have the power to choose differently, today.

7 Day Challenge
$7 Per Day ($49 total)

Inside Project Influence We'll Cover

Included in Project Influence:
 

  • 7 Days of Pre-Recorded Recovery Content

  • The Project Influence Workbook including introspective exercises for each day of work inside the program

  • 28 Self Care Staples Checklist, an interactive PDF as well as a blank version you can fill in yourself.

  • Lifetime access to content - Do it on your own time

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What's Inside Project Influence?

In order to change the way we show up in our relationships, we have to understand ourselves and our relationship dynamics deeply

Project Influence contains 7 days of virtual recovery coaching videos that walks you through powerful inner work exercises to uncover WHY we behave the way we do, and help us to redesign our behavior to line up with who we WANT to be.

 

The Project Influence Challenge:
 

Instead of spending 20 years in support groups feeling powerless, I challenge you to spend 7 days diving deep into your relationship dynamics, your values and principles, and harness the power of your behavior, so you can learn to help others, become a positive influence and lead by example.
 

Support groups ask for a suggested donation of $7 a day. I’m not going to ask for any more than that. I want this decision to be so easy for you, to invest $7 a day, and commit to the 7 days of work inside Project Influence.

 

This work can be heavy, so you’re free to do the work inside of Project Influence in whatever time frame you need to. There are no deadlines, and no appointment times you have to plan for. Just do the course work at your own pace, on your own time, for as long as you need. It may take you longer than 7 days to do this work, and that’s fine, but I am only going to ask for $7 for each day of the program ($49 in total).

The total price of Project Influence is just $49, paid in full.

For this you get:

  • 7 days of pre-recorded coaching content

  • Companion worksheets to help you process 

  • 28 Self Care Staples Interactive PDF Checklist

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If you’re waiting for a sign, this is a sign. This page you’ve been reading is dedicated to you, and people just like you, who love someone in addiction. You deserve a real solution to managing the chaos you’ve been stuck in. 

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I want to join Project Influence,
Sign me up!

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