Partners and loved ones of those struggling with addiction often feel this way, and it sounds perfectly fine, to most people. This can seem like an easy answer. If they would stop, you would be fine.
After all, you get upset every time they use, or lie, or do some other thing relating to their addiction.
Their addiction is the topic of every argument. They come home drunk, they hide messages that show you where they've been, they sneak around, come home late, risk their own lives, and inevitably every time we find out, it's a no-holds-barred FIGHT. We think, none of this would be happening if they weren't addicted. We think solving their addiction will fix the relationship. So their addiction is probably the only problem that needs to be solved, right?
Eh… not so much. There’s a reason we find ourselves in these fights to begin with.
Maybe there’s even something about this person that attracted us to them in the first place. Something familiar that's keeping us stuck in these patterns with them...
I’m not going to tell you the answer is to leave them. That may not be the answer for you.
In fact, many people recover while in relationships. The support and love of a close significant other even increases their chance of successful recovery! We do have a way to help them, and in doing so heal our relationships with them. The relationships we have with someone in addiction CAN be repaired.
But this almost NEVER happens without BOTH people healing their respective wounds.
There’s so much deception, control, insecurity, and pain lying beneath the surface of a relationship plagued by addiction and codependency. Overcoming the addiction is just one tiny piece of the puzzle.
So I hate to break it to you, but if you’re in a relationship with someone in addiction, you probably have wounds to heal inside yourself too. But the good news is: YOUR healing can be a crucial first step toward recovery. Recovery Begins With the Choice to Try Something Different
Have you come to this realization too?
If you love someone in addiction, and you’re ready to start your recovery process, join us for our monthly pay-what-you-can workshop. Our Role in Recovery is a live interactive zoom workshop for partners and families of people in addiction, designed to give you solutions to support their recovery and yours.